"English cricketers like being friendly and matey because it makes them feel comfortable," says Langer. "In essence this is maybe the key to the whole English psyche - they love being comfortable." Yes, that's right Justin, comfortableness is key to the whole English psyche. Those lazy, English swines, sitting about on their fat backsides and travelling to all corners of the globe, discovering exotic lands, setting up the biggest empire in human history, getting involved in comfortable wars for the last thousand years. What's that mother? Australia is the 21st fattest country in the world? Fatter than England? "There's only been one miracle in the last 2,000 years, and that was Jesus Christ," roars Sir Boycott as the players take to the field.